The Goddess in me

September 23, 2017

“You may not know yourself as a Goddess; your feminine energy is out of balance and your divine essence has yet to awaken. But the time has come, right now, for you to know that being a woman is special, sacred, and divine. Every woman deserves to know herself in this way. Return to your ancient roots, learn the timeless wisdom of your mythic history, and discover how you are the embodiment of the highest feminine Essence of the world—The Divine Feminine. Understand why over many centuries, a woman’s relationship with Her has become increasingly lost to us, and why now is the right time to bring Her back into your life. Remember yourself into wholeness, reawaken to the sacredness of your Goddess body and begin to see it as beautiful in every way. Reacquaint yourself with the cyclical seasons of a woman’s life and with the Great Mother Moon who guides your lunar nature and your moontime blood.”

This is a summary of a book “You are a woman you are divine” my dearest friend gave me some time ago. Before I got this book, my friend created a safe space to show me and celebrate the Goddess in me. This experience has changed my life, I have become a different person, more aware of the gift everyone one of us- women is carrying inside, waiting to be discovered and cherished. Thank you for giving me this incredible gift of self-love!! “ You are woman: your body is sacred, and your essence is Divine. You are the embodiment of the divine feminine “ I spent a lot of time thinking how to discover the divine feminine in me. Sometimes I think of the Goddess as my real self, she’s the real me becoming balanced and whole. At times she’s all of nature. And then at times she’s just what I need when I don’t feel I’ve got a lot inside. I want to think of a symbol outside myself, and so I think of a Goddess outside of myself. So she’s outside and within and through the whole creation. That’s really how I see the Goddess.

There is no judgment, no reproach. There’s nobody telling you off and saying you haven’t done the right thing. I can feel silly and disappointed about what I’ve done or not done, but I don’t feel that I’m reproached. She’s always loving and caring and supportive and helping me to get back to a center of balance. Every woman is a spectacular creature and we are all beautifully built. We are specifically designed to be a creatress, the bearer of our species, and to be powerful in the most feminine of ways. We carry within the space of our womb the Light of the world. Our very existence makes the world lovelier. I definitely think of the Goddess as being within myself, within every woman whether she accesses that or not. But I also see the Goddess very much in the elements – they give me a physical, tangible sense of her being in the earth, air, water, and fire. I also get her spirit sense from the feeling I have of and “Other”, other than myself, and other than what I can see. I do very much feel her presence in this spirit sense, something that’s much bigger than me and than any of us, and yet something that resides in all of us. It’s that feeling very much that the Goddess ‘She’ is everywhere. I connect with her, and sometimes that will be getting in touch with the Goddess in myself, and sometimes she will be the inner child, and sometimes she will be my inner guide or wise woman or my mothering self. At other times I’ll be very much talking to her “out there”. Sometimes that will be in praise and delight, and other times it might be sheer desperation and despair. And then I feel very much like I’m talking to her when I go for walks on the beach or bike through Central Park, or go for a sail in a boat, or sit around a big fire, or any of those situations where I feel very much connected.

For me, the Goddess is in me and in each one of us and in everything, in the sea and in the elements. I pray to her a lot and meditate, and she’s like a friend to me or she’s whatever I happen to be needing, I know she’s not going to be anything other than exactly what I need. So if I need a friend, she’s a friend. If I’m desperate, she’s there then. At times I can feel like getting in touch with different parts of myself. Sometimes I can feel like the Goddess resides in me. I don’t have a sense that I invited her to enter me, when I think about my feminine side I get the feeling that I am just acknowledging her, because her presence is already there. It’s just focusing that energy and increasing my awareness of something that already exists.

When I recognized the power of the divine feminine in me and the joy of seeing myself as a Goddess fully restored to my spirit, I was released and discovered how to live a better, happier, more fulfilled life as a woman, I have been more confident (although I was never a shy person ), I have been more creative, more inspired and have had more energy, I love deeper and more authentically, I have been able to open up and share my life stories with my partners. The acceptance and integration of the feminine existence within me brought me back harmony and healing. Not to mention joy, power and success on the dating scene.

I hope my Goddess dressing will be a good beginning to start looking for the release of the feminine power and beauty within you.

Goddess dressing.

1 cup canola mayo

1 cup chopped scallions

3/4 cup fresh basil

1/4 lemon juice add more if needed.

2 cloves garlic

1 tsp anchovy paste

21/2tsp salt

1tsp black pepper

1 cup sour cream

2tbs chives

1/4 tsp lemon zest

Blend everything together and enjoy.

Goddess dressing.

1 szklanka majonezu ( ja dodaje wiecej jogurtu niz majonezu )

1 szklanka pokrojonego szczypiorku

3/4 szklanka swiezej bazylii

1/4 soku z cytryny , lub wiecej do smaku

2 zabki czasnku

1 lyzka pasty z anchois

21/2 lyzeczki soli

1 lyzeczka pieprzu

1 szklanka smietany lub jogurtu

1/4 lyzeczki startej skorki z cytryny

wszystkie skladniki zmikoswac w mikserze na gladka mase.

best granola and my morning routine- dedicated to ada

September 6, 2017

Mornings are my favorite time of the day. Partially because it is a new day, and I have a chance for something very exciting to happen. But before I start my invigorating day I do my ordinary, boring things to make me feel safe, and grounded.

I love to ask people about their morning routines. It’s a source of endless fascination for me. I’ve been asked that question so many times: what’s your morning routine? They seem to be expecting an inspiring answer. I hate to disappoint.

My morning routine is pretty boring. Every day the same, getting up, exercising, shower, quick walk with my dog and bike ride to work. I break that boring routine once in a while with a short visit at a local coffee shop, usually combine with a friendly chat with neighbors, yes even New Yorkers have a sense of community and they are friendly sometimes, half sleeping, waiting for their first sip of coffee. Oftentimes the first thing I do in the morning is checking my email on my phone before I even sit up. I do this to calm my anxiety. Or to create enough anxiety that I’m not sleepy anymore. I’m not sure which. It’s a terrible habit. I don’t have time to eat at home, I hit the ground running & get straight to work with my hair in a messy bun because I chose exercising over hairdo and makeup.

One of my routines is the choice of menu…. Fruit with yogurt and home made granola… Night owls rejoice! Now you can add some bee pollen, goji berries, seeds, coconut flakes, and superfood-, add some yogurt and have a legitimate, protein rich breakfast without doing anything more than waking up. This is particularly handy for not just night owls but for:

a) people who want to eat well in the morning (everyone, yes?)

b) people with children who even if they’re far better than I at mornings get pounced on with more needs than one woman can juggle

c) people on the go that need something they can take with them.

So here’s to mornings, whether your idea of morning is burying a head under your pillow because you were up in the ambient glow of a screen as your brain buzzed all evening or if you’re a veritable bird from a Disney movie in the morning.

My best granola

1 bag rolled oat

1/2 cup of coconut oil

· 5 tablespoons of honey or date paste (just mashed up dates)

· 1 teaspoon of flaky salt

· 1 cup of xylitol

· FOR GARNISH

· bee pollen

· fresh fruit

· honey

· toasted coconut flakes

goji berries

· hemp seeds (or other seeds & nuts)

Mix all the ingredients together, spread out on a baking sheet and bake for 1 hour in 275 F turn it occasionally so the oats don’t burn.

Bloody guilt trip

January 17, 2017

Definition of guilt by some online dictionary - "a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined". Guilt will never make the grade as an A-list emotion. No one has ever written a song or a poem about how they haven’t called their mother in over a week and their expensive-bought online exercise machine is being used to dry their underwear. Yet somehow, this crabby little C-lister manages to punch way below the belt.

Guilt is such a powerful feeling we do almost anything to avoid it, I know I do. It is our driver of internal system of actions and balances. The annoying little voice stopping us from eating the whole chocolate bar at once or telling our friend that the story about her daughter new project wasn’t interesting the first time.

We need guilt that runs the engine of morality, in order for society to function. Without its ghostly appearance, we would turn into sociopaths, or politicians. My guilt is my inner police force, but given it too much power I am turning into a police state. Mine is a sturdy guilt drawn from two totally different but yet very powerful religions. On my mom’s side I am born with original catholic guilt (thanks Adam and Eve), which brings me to another guilt of a higher power watching every step I take and listening to all my inappropriate conversations and actions. On my paternal side I got the complaining, overthinking, neurotic Jewish variety. Ask my two best friends, they are tired of me analyzing every move I take and scrutinize for weeks and months if anything goes wrong, , (it usually does). The once mild mannered voice of my conscience is turning nasty with passing years. Like many women, I have the capacity to feel guilty about pretty much everything. Here is the basic glossy magazine guilt – the easy looking skin care regimens, and complicated man-pleasing instructions, the ideal bodies, and never to be cooked recipes. These make a great background for failure.

But it gets deeper. I feel guilt for hurting my friend on the phone the other day for telling her “that thing”. I feel guilt for taking too long to respond to my best friend’s supportive email, writing this post during my work hours. I feel guilty for taking a drink invitation from men I have no desire to go to bed with, and also that my son’s first few words were “mommy’s wine”. And most of all, I feel guilty that I am wasting my time worrying about any of this nonsense, when right now there are children starving in Africa.

My guilt muscle can be very flexible. It could be trigger by exactly the same situation in two opposite directions. I can spend the whole weekend interacting with my son, watching movies, cooking meals, filling guilt that I have not taken a single picture for my blog, that I am not working to perfect my skills and I wasted a couple of grand on equipment and props. And yet when I spend a whole day cooking and taking pictures,, my guilt bubbles up for the fact that I didn’t see my child all day and I am missing the opportunity to spend with him the last, preciouses moments before he tells me he prefers to spend them with his friends or his girlfriend.

But my main overwhelming guilt comes from the fact that a few years ago I have moved overseas, taking my baby boy with me, meaning I have ripped the only grandchild from his grandma to chase my selfish dreams thousands miles away.

When you live far away, no matter how often you call or come to visit, it’s never often enough. My mom never said a word to make me feel this way, she doesn’t need to. She doesn’t need to do anything to make me feel guilty about my life choices. My mom would probably hate the idea that talking to her makes me feel this way. This feeling bonds us together sometimes more than a family dinner table. My mom makes me feel guilty because her mother made her feel guilty. And as much as I would like to spare my son the burden in theory, I would be laying if I said that I don’t want to throw a little guilt his way, at least enough to making him choose a nice nursing home for me, the one with bar and games rather than the one with urine smell and bible studies.

Guilt is usually pretty ineffective over all. Instead of making a conscious choice and standing by the consequences, I behave as I am please and then cash in my moral credits by feeling bad about it afterward. As long as I have guilt as a comfortable fallback position, I fail to take full responsibility for my choices and actions. My friend once told me that she takes no responsibility for her life choices, in her opinion guilt is reserved for true wrongdoing and she wastes no time dwelling over her lifestyle or failure to live up to impossible ideas. I would love to get to that level of emotional sanity one day. Amen.

Today’s recipe is a total guilt trip between being lazy, having time for myself, and doing something creative and not wasting time binging on “ Mr. Robot”. Simple –no time at all- toast with goat feta and baked blood oranges. Still very tasty and guilt free.

Recipe Few slices of nice rustic bread

2 blood oranges

goat feta

coconut nectar

toasted pumpkin seeds

Preheat oven to 400F, slice oranges, and place them on a baking sheet spray with olive oil and bake until they get a little brown. Toast the bread, smear with goat feta, top with slices of oranges, and coat with coconut nectar, sprinkle with roasted pumpkin seeds.

fennel- apple salad

April 21, 2016

Once again, I would like pay tribute to Aran Goyoaga and her food photography workshop I attended in October. This was my dream come true. Since I started my journey with food photography I wanted to meet Aran. I wanted to see her thought process as she prepared to take pictures. How she arranges food and props on the set, what angles and light she prefers and how she processes her pictures. I wanted to take a step forward.

Aran began the workshop telling us more about herself, her move from Florida to Seattle, her new studio and new approach to light (which Seattle has way less than Florida). Then she moved to explaining what equipment she uses, how she points the camera, what’s important for her on the set, and many more technical details. At any time we were able to interrupt her and ask questions. She told us where she buys her props, and what’s important when buying ingredients for recipes. She shared with us how she promotes herself on social media, and advertising techniques she uses.

During lunch we were able to move around the studio and take pictures of anything we liked. Sunday Suppers staff made great soup and salad for lunch. They also had a lot of dishes and food items for us to photograph.

The second part was a little more “hands on photography”. Aran showed us the way she takes pictures and it was eye opening for me. It comes so naturally to her and her pictures look absolutely effortless. At the end, she showed us her photo processing work flow on Lightroom. I was surprised how little she has to improve in the post- processing; just a few details here and there. Each of us had one on one time with Aran, asking questions and sharing concerns.

I learned that although we paid to learn some new techniques, what we really experienced was meeting new people, cooking with them, talking, and exchanging experiences. I love watching people meet each other for the first time, approaching each other, starting conversations, eating together and at the end exchanging business cards and phone numbers.

This was an unforgettable experience for me, and I hope to do it again in the future. As a memory, I was left with pictures I took and this salad recipe we had for lunch.

Recipe

2 seasonal apples

1 fennel bulb with fronds

1 small red onion

1/2 toasted hazelnuts cup capers, 2 cups chopped watercress

2 TB chopped chives

orange zest

Goddess dressing:

amount for several salads, you can refrigerate up to 2-3 weeks.

1 cup mayo ( i used canola)

1 cup yogurt ( i used goat, but greek is good as well)

1 cup chopped scallions

3/4 cup fresh basil

1/4 cup of lemon, add more if needed

2 cloves of garlic

1 tsp of anchovy paste ( or chopped anchovies )

1/2 tsp of salt

1tsp of black pepper

2 tbs of chives

1/4 tsp lemon zest

Peel and core apples. Pull a quantity of fronds from fennel, then clean bulbs. Peel onions and slice very thin. Slice apples and fennel bulbs on hand plane or mandoline. Toss with remaining ingredients and refrigerate. Combine all the dressing ingredients and blend for few minutes until dressing is smooth and creamy. Before serving mix it with dressing

Przepis:

2 Jablka

1 koper wloski

1 mala czerwona cebula

1/2 szklanki tostowanych orzechow laskowych

2 szklanki salaty ( rukiew wodna lub rukola)

2 lyzki posiekanego szczypiorku

otarta skorka z jednej cytryny

Obrac i pokroic jablka

oczyscic koper wloski

obrac cebule i pokroic bardzo cienko

poszatkowac jablka i koper wloski

wymieszac z pozostalymi skladnikami i wstawic do lodowki

Boski dressing :

Ilosc na kilka salatek, mozna przechowywac w lodowce przez kilka tygodni

1 szklanka majonezu ( ja uzylam z rzepaku)

1 szklanka jogurt ( kozi lub grecki)

1 szklanka posiekanej zielonej cebuli

3/4 szklanki posiekanej bazili ( swiezej )

1/4szklanki soku z cytryny

2 zabki czosnku

1 lyzeczka pasty z anchovies lub posiekane anchovies

1/2 lyzczki salt

1lyzeczka pieprzu

2lyzki posiekanego szczypiorku

1/4 lyzeczki skorki z cytryny

wszystkiego skladniki polaczyc i zblendowac w blenderze na kremowy dressing. dodac do salatki zaraz przed podaniem.